My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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