It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
