the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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