Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
