She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
