Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
