we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
