Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
