I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize