we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
