where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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