i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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