i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
