Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
