If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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