Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
