so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
