do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
