I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
