I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
