Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
