No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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