I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
