i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
