At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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