I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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