Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
