I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
