she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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