Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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