God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
