your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
