So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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