My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
