Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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