She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
