so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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