Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
