so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
