right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
