I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I look better un-naked...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
