At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
