so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
