Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
