so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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