Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
