The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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