I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
