oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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