Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
