Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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