Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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