why didn't you poke me back
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
