my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
