I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
