she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
