i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
