I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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