the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
