Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
