does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
