he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
