Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
PANTIES FOUND
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
