never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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