He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
