Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
