life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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