i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
