It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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