She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
